Goddess and Me

I have always been kind of a tom boy. I try to tell myself it is because I have an athletic brother. It is a story I like to tell frequently about how we climbed trees and played in mud. As long as it was possible without embarrassing me I competed with him. Pushed myself to race with him, be strong, unafraid of insects, bugs, firecrackers, and darkness. He is my little brother so I had some time before he shot up to 6 foot plus. After which all my efforts were just attempts at humour at least from his point of view.

But when I was a kid, I could fight. While the other girls and boys fought coquettishly showing the first signs of flirtation, I fought to prove that I was stronger. In hindsight that was of course a very bad idea. By the time I was in my late teens I was no longer in a position to overpower any of them boys who had all grown up to be men but also had no idea about how to be anything but a tom boy.

And truthfully I am not sure if I would have turned out different if I had a sister in his place. Though I believe I am feminine in my own way I cannot relate easily to the mainstream idea of feminine. I cry at the movies but Karan Johar movies frequently make me cringe. I like romance but the idea of a knight in shining armour protecting me, taking care of me seems weak. And it was a bunch of exercise videos that got me thinking about all this.

Since I am lazy as hell and easily bored I adopt a different form of workout every couple of months. My latest is a bunch of exercise videos directed at women. Though I like to believe we women are special advertisements, products that claim “I am worth it" " You are a goddess" only to then take my money and put it firmly in their annual sales typically annoy me. While these exercise videos are tough and very good “total body workout" they have their quirks like all products directed at women.

So instead of squatting and bending I am "reaching down to gather flowers" and in place of stretching side to side I am "throwing the flowers into the air". Also while making me balance on one leg while kicking the other out they insist that this will give me the posture to be more "graceful and poised". Add to that a bunch of ballet inspired steps and it is complete chick flick of an exercise video.

The first couple of times of course I smirked and made smart ass comments for the benefit of my husband. One evening after a mentally exhausting day I switched this thing on for a workout. And as I reached down to gather flowers and then got up to scatter them I felt myself unwinding completely and giving in. When I did my ballet steps and stretched up to feel "tall and beautiful" I could feel the stress leaving my body and a smile on my lips.

Don't get me wrong I still feel most of it is idiotic. But the exercise video took me away from my laptop with emails, my sink full of dishes, and my dinner that had to be cooked to a place where I was just stretching and chucking flowers. As silly as that might be perhaps that is the point. I had been looking at it wrong and taking the whole thing oh so seriously. Maybe all I needed to do is to take it with a liberal pinch of salt. Maybe it is the silliness that makes this video and all "goddess" products actually worth our while. And while I will fight against the popcorn idea of feminine till my last breath I know I have lots of place for silliness in my life :).

I am considering starting a food blog in place of the recipe section. What do you think?

Apne Pair Par Aap Kulhadi

Couple of news items that caught my attention

One in the Hindu - Male power officials forced to wear bangles. Is it not about time women realised that a using female adornments to insult men is insulting to women too? Bangles as a symbol of cowardice? Put on those men by female workers of congress, why?

Then this brilliant piece of deduction and problem solving by college authorities in Uttar Pradesh. Meeta Jamal says the "only" way to prevent eve teasing is to prevent girls from wearing jeans.

Is it too much to ask that when you are taking away the rights of women or being an ass in general you get the men to do it so it makes my anger a little less complicated?

Dev D - duniya yeh duniya badi gol hai

I finally saw Dev D. The movie had got some rave reviews and is on its way to become a cult classic. The hype however left me a little hesitant as all over-hyped things do. The other reason for not catching this movie when it first came out was that it never hit the theatres here and this was one movie I wanted to watch on the big screen

Anyways I finally saw the very, very R rated movie. Apart from the fact that I rejoice every time there a movie made especially for adults complete with grey areas, wearable/ affordable clothes, and realism that does not immediately transport us into a world of slums, poverty, and exploitation. After a point such depiction becomes a form of exploitation on its own (pointing fingers esp. at Madhur Bhandarkar).  

But I digress, what I loved about Dev D was the fact that despite characters in the movie that included - one sexually liberated girl and one prostitute all the women kept their clothes on. Abhay Deol on the other hand seemed to forever live in his underwear. 

And before you get ahead of yourself and accuse me of being a lech, let me explain myself. Yes, I am a lech but that was not the reason (OK OK not the sole reason) for my overwhelming approval. We are finally exploiting the male physique, after decades of unkempt men romancing beautiful women around trees. Finally the male bodies will be exposed to the cross hairs of all and sundry, something the female form has had to suffer forever. 

When John Abraham scratched his behind in Dostana, the first thoughts in my head were - “he takes off more clothes than the girl :)". Male body under female scrutiny gives me a sense of power however fake, short lived...

An era in which women wear what they want is already here but now we have an era where women are the target audience (the wielder of power) and men wear what women want :). We have come a full circle - ye duniya badi gol hai... (Though that’s not what the song was about).

Edited to add

My reaction may be a result of the little things in my everyday life. Like last Sunday, a particularly warm and balmy day. Husband and I were spending time with husband's - for lack of a better word say Friends whose birth preceded our own by high single digits/ low double digits ( oh all right they are old!!!). There was husband enjoying the sunshine in his shorts and there was me too self conscious to wear my pair of shorts - dressed in jeans and kurta and eyeing my husbands bare legs with growing irritation.

Recipe -

Methi Chole - this is a simple dish. The idea was to get some greens into my chole. The link also has a batura recipe but I have never tried that at home.

Feminist ?

I came across this blog yesterday 

http://dabagirls.wordpress.com/

It is extremely wrong at so many levels but still downright hilarious.

So on an not completely related note -

The line in the description "free from the scrutiny of feminists" made me wince. A lot of outspoken women seem to viewed as feminists. While some of these women relate with being called a feminist I am not sure I do. I am outspoken, I believe men and women are equals but I spend my days in the front of a laptop screen and my evenings in some mindless pursuit of entertainment. I do not work for any women causes, contribute in any way to their upliftment. How am I a feminist? The term has become a tad over used and sometimes a butt of jokes. I do not see myself as a feminist just as all the African Americans out there do not (hopefully) see themselves as members of the civil rights movement while going about their everyday lives. I do not represent women. While the ram sena makes me rant so does shiv sena's misplaced nationalism and so on. 

The genders in being different offer unique advantages. Men and women are different because they are. I really enjoy some of these differences and thought I would used this post to put them down.

Advantages of being a woman.. 

feel free to disagree I DO NOT speak as a feminist but for me. 

1. Able to cry. This is more and more not cornered by women but considering I am bawling my eyes out over every movie, book, anniversary ( I am a crier ) I feel safe in my identity as a woman doing this. If I were a man I would have to reserve my tears for life changing experiences and this is beyond me.

2. Scream like a girl --- many many phobias... heights, speed, sudden movement, ghosts... Again I feel comfortable harbouring, soothing and sometimes nourishing my fears.

3. Makeup - late comer to this since my first use of face paint was at the ripe age of 27. But I like :). 

4. I hold down a job and always intend to do so. But until I got married I never considered that having a career is different from being a "provider". I never saw myself as a person who would/ should provide ( that word again) for my family. Seems this is something most men think about from day one. That is one hell of a cross to bear. 

5. I am not a slave to fashion but there are many times when I "have" to try on three things before picking what I have to wear to go to hole in the wall Indian restaurant. My husband always greets the outcome with a big smile and then takes the person who couldn't manage wardrobe decisions very seriously when she talks about satyam, chidambaram, obama .....

6. I moved away from a job with a lot of prospects. I work from home but this is no way to have a great career. Honestly I could not care less. I did what makes me happy and being a woman this invited no judgement. Choosing a personal life over a career is an option all of us have but it seems women are judged less for it.

I had planned to avoid such topics because too much I believe has already been said and I do not think I have the appropriate credentials to add anything of value. So I intend from now on to view this as a humorous situation so all funny takes are welcome while serious ones will be tolerated.