Saturday, 12 December 2009

Cranberries and my teen angst

About a month ago I had the good fortune of attending a concert by one of my teen idols. I was your typical teenager - confused yet brim full of very definitive and strong opinions, happy yet brooding, lost yet snooty. Like any other teenager out there it was a time full of extremes.

I look back at my teen years somewhat reluctantly. I was an awkward kid, with awkward ways. OK reluctance does not begin to cover it - I look back at teen years with embarrassment and a very selective memory. In fact most of the times I like to pretend I was never that person :).

This brings me back to the concert. I attended a concert by Cranberries. They make great music and in addition have a lead female vocalist who wears pants and sings with passion and strength. They are a lovely band but I always chalked my devotion to them to -- well being a teenager. Life then seemed to full of absolutes. And I absolutely loved the cranberries.

However, a lot of things and people have lost their sheen in the grown up world and to be fair I have also grown to appreciate a good many other people/ideas ( Like my ma - I don’t want to tell her but I think I rather like the old lady). When I do feel strongly about something I am somewhat embarrassed by how attached I can get to an idea. It might be me but it seems the world of adults is world of greys. Not grey to indicate boredom but grey to indicate complexity. And in this complex world absolutes with very few exceptions have very little space.

I bought the tickets because I can and the group was touring after years and years. I expected a night of entertainment and maybe a night with more embarrassing shoulder shrugs where I explain that I was just a silly kid who had loved this silly band. In turn what did happen was that the cranberries took my breath away. Dolores the lead singer is still a charismatic personality. The rest of the band performed beautifully. As I listened to them sing boat loads of memories associated with my teen years rushed through my mind. My heart raced. To my surprise I remembered all the words. It was a rather fleeting hour and a half and they left me wanting more. And did I mention she keeps her pants on while she performs? Oh I did... Well it’s a point worth making twice!!.

It lead me to do a lot of thinking (yeah, no surprises there I do live in my head quite a bit). It seems I need not be embarrassed by all of my teen life. I was a passionate kid but perhaps I should be a passionate adult. I was so sure about what I wanted. Reality has stepped in and made my life a combination of what I want and what I can have. But I think I have let reality get at more than what can happen, I have let it get at what I want. So I have a brand new year resolution. Yep, number one is still loose 10 pounds but there can be only so much self awareness and gyan at one time.

My New Year resolution is to do more things I enjoy and not just things I am good at. And not to sound AA but I would like the ability to tell the difference.